Fighting is not only a normal part of relationships but also necessary. Why? Because conflict represents each partner’s unique perspective as well as their wishes and needs. As such, conflict can be a vehicle for deepening a connection. What couples fight about is not as important as how they fight. If couples learn to fight better, they can repair inevitable hurts and create a climate of empathy. So why is conflict so challenging? One reason has to do with partners having differing perspectives. Anyone who has been in a relationship knows the frustration of two people having completely different experiences of the same situation. When this happens, partners frequently engage in “Reality Wars,” fighting more for their positions to be right than to be heard and understood. When tension starts mounting, partners stop listening and begin preparing their counter-attacks. In order to fight better, couples need to shift from reacting and blaming to reflecting and understanding. If they approach the conflict situation from a posture of curiosity, partners can learn to hear and validate each other’s position and still disagree. Understanding our partner’s reality requires the willingness to cross the bridge, set up camp, and visit their side of the relationship for a while.